Chapter Forty-Five: A High Wind on a Moonlit Night Inspires Deep Reflection

"Have you been well lately?" After a long silence, Yin Boxuan finally couldn't help but break the stillness. If this oppressive atmosphere continued any longer, he felt as if he might suffocate.

"Mm, I'm alright." Meng Youyuan replied evasively, not really knowing what to say to him. Her mind was a mess, restless and uncertain. She truly didn't know how to face the person beside her.

Another silence fell. Both of them walked quickly with their heads down, unsure what to talk about. The bamboo path, usually so brief in daily life, seemed endlessly long these days, as if its end was forever out of reach.

"In truth, we shouldn't be like this. I actually miss the days when we used to bicker and laugh together. If something can't be obtained, there's no point in forcing it any longer. Letting go is the best choice for both of us, don't you think?" Meng Youyuan finally summoned the courage to voice the words she had kept buried in her heart for so long. It was indeed time to clarify things, rather than continue in uncertainty.

"I feel the same. It's not worth it to keep giving and working for someone who isn't moved at all. That's why I took the opportunity of the task Master gave me to travel, and realized that perhaps I never liked you as much as I thought. I can let go just like that. Now you don't have to worry about how to treat me; act as you did before. Let's forget those things we said back then—just treat them as childish jokes. Once the laughter is over, there's no need to care anymore," Yin Boxuan replied with a smile. Though he seemed carefree and claimed to have moved on, only he knew the true pain in his heart.

"If you dare make such foolish jokes again in the future, I'll show you how I deal with you!" Meng Youyuan laughed, pretending to be relieved of a burden. She understood that some things couldn't be rushed; both he and she needed time to erase those memories. She believed that, sooner or later, he would forget her and find a girl a thousand times better to start anew.

"I'm only afraid your full figure won't keep up with my slender willow waist that makes you so jealous!" Yin Boxuan bantered back, trying to restore the atmosphere to their old quarrels, where neither would yield. Perhaps only in such exchanges could they feel comfortable together.

"You really need a beating!" Meng Youyuan chased after him, pretending to teach a lesson to the man who liked to tease her. She knew well that the seemingly lighthearted atmosphere was deliberately crafted between them; for now, they couldn't return to what once was. But perhaps that was for the best. Rather than living in awkward pain, it was better to occasionally fool themselves, providing a comfortable illusion. As for the rest, let time handle it—she believed time would eventually give her a satisfactory answer.

The night was pitch black, yet the little house behind the bamboo glowed brightly. The night was silent, but the house brimmed with lively bustle. Yu Shang, a little tipsy, slowly walked outside and quietly gazed at the bright moon hanging in the sky. Who knew what he was thinking, but from his eyes, one could see a longing that would never fade.

"Why did you come out here alone? Are we too noisy for you?" Meng Youyuan called to Yu Shang, who was lost in thought as he stared at the sky. For some reason, she felt that no matter how lively it was inside, it could never fill his lonely heart. She suddenly felt pity for the sorrowful man before her, whose very silhouette radiated solitude.

"Perhaps I'm not good with alcohol. Just a few drinks and I felt dizzy, and I didn't want to disturb your fun, so I came out for a walk and some fresh air." Yu Shang replied quietly without turning around. Strangely, every time he thought of that woman, she would appear. Was it coincidence or fate? Even the feeling she gave him just now, walking up behind him, was exactly the same as that woman. He dared not turn around, afraid that once he saw who it was, the feeling would vanish and never return.

"It's alright if you lie to me, but you must understand your own heart," Meng Youyuan said softly as she walked to his side. She felt he carried too many secrets, nearly crushed by their weight. If she didn't help him bear some of it, he might truly be suffocated.

"You know, when you quietly walked up behind me just now, I had the illusion it was her returning. The feeling you both give me is too similar. If I didn't know your background so well, I'd think you were sisters who had been separated for years," Yu Shang finally spoke after a moment's silence, his tone thick with irrepressible loss.

"Her? The woman in your heart? I'm curious what kind of woman she is and what bond connects you." Meng Youyuan gently guided him, hoping he would finally speak of what he'd buried inside for so long and that doing so might bring him relief.

"She was beautiful, but poisonous. Once you were touched by her, you were infected with a toxin you could never remove, spreading to every corner of your body, accompanying you through a lifetime and into the next cycle." As Yu Shang spoke, a strange smile curved his lips, as if recalling some distant memory. It was a past he could never forget, the only time he wore such a taxing expression.

"So she was that remarkable. No wonder you can't let her go. If I ever get the chance, I must see her for myself. I have a feeling I would get along with her," Meng Youyuan replied, realizing how curious she was about this legendary woman. Although she had heard the stories, she could not muster any dislike for her—only pity.

"There will never be that chance. I've already consigned her to the past with my own hands. She will never appear before us again." Although Yu Shang spoke calmly, Meng Youyuan sensed his heart bleeding; she could feel the pain. She believed that after that, he must have lived in anguish. No matter how much he hated or blamed her, he would never have had the heart to deliver such a blow, because she saw his love for that woman far outweighed his hatred. He certainly hadn't willingly destroyed the one he loved. Precisely because it wasn't willing, it became torture. How much must he regret and blame himself for his mercilessness? Meng Youyuan felt deep sorrow, unable to fathom what could have led a pair destined for love to such a tragic end.

"Why are you silent? Are you frightened by my ruthlessness?" Yu Shang saw Meng Youyuan frozen, speechless, and mocked himself. Who could hear such a story and remain calm? He hadn't killed an enemy or a villain, but the lover who had shared years with him. Anyone hearing it would think he'd lost his mind.

"How could I be? Everyone must bear the consequences of their actions. Though I don't know what she did to make you so angry, I know dying by your hand was her greatest punishment. I don't know why, but I suddenly feel a deep sadness and pity for you both," Meng Youyuan's expression dimmed. She seemed to feel both the woman's emotions at death and Yu Shang's after killing her: the former had no hatred, only release; the latter found no release, only regret. In her view, there was no right or wrong in this love story—everyone was a victim, helpless in their own way. If blame were to be assigned, it belonged to the irresistible forces that brought about this tragedy.

"I'm not worthy of your pity, nor is she. Everything she did was her own fault, and everything I did was forced by circumstance." Yu Shang's eyes blazed with hate. Clearly, he had once loved her deeply, for only those deeply wounded by love could hate so much and feel such bitterness. Had she meant nothing to him, he would not have cared.

"Do you think she ever loved you? Don't tell me you don't know. Ask your own heart—was there ever a moment when you felt her overwhelming love?" Meng Youyuan asked, catching him off guard. Yes, he had once truly believed they loved each other, but after what happened, he began to doubt her feelings. In the end, he even asked her directly, and her answer tore him apart, destroying the last vestiges of goodwill he held for her.

"If it were before, I would have confidently said she loved me deeply. But now all I see is her scheming heart. Everything she did was a trap to lure me in. I feel truly foolish—after all these years, I never saw her true face, always blinded by her feigned affection," Yu Shang said bitterly, hating his ignorance, hating her cruelty, and hating that their feelings were so intangible, ready to be scattered by the wind.

"Perhaps you've always been mistaken. I believe she did love you, even when she was acting against you. You think she deceived you for her own and her family's sake, but have you ever considered that she didn't want to hurt you, just had no other choice? Don't ask me why I think this; it's just my intuition. Somehow, after hearing you, I want to defend her, which is strange since I've never even met her," Meng Youyuan voiced her thoughts, perhaps echoing the woman's helplessness. She firmly believed that no matter what the woman had done, she still loved Yu Shang.

"Though I can't understand your intuition, the fact remains she hurt me, and that's undeniable. Maybe I'm selfish, but for any reason, I can't tolerate betrayal. Once she wronged me, she was no longer worthy of my true heart," Yu Shang maintained a hard stance, unwilling to forgive the woman or see things from her perspective. Yet, he was already wavering inside, moved by Meng Youyuan's words.

"Enough; I don't want to argue anymore. Who's right or wrong—you know deep down, but you're afraid to face it. You're afraid that once everything is clear, you'll realize you were the one who wronged her. You're just seeking an excuse for your actions. Why can't you see that neither of you was at fault? There's no need for remorse or regret; this outcome was fate. Since it can't be changed, why not change your perspective and bring back the loving, kind woman you once knew?" Meng Youyuan said, her voice rising with emotion. Even she didn't know why she suddenly felt so strongly, only that, at that moment, she wanted to speak up for that pitiful woman.

"Don't say any more. I think we're all a bit drunk tonight and need to calm down," Yu Shang interrupted, restraining his emotions. Indeed, she had touched his sore spot—he was always running, always deceiving himself, insisting he was innocent and that only she was to blame, casting himself as the victim.

"Perhaps I really am drunk, but don't forget that truth comes out after wine," Meng Youyuan said, and then fell silent, staring into the sky in a daze.