Chapter 101: Internet Singer

That night, after Zhang Qiyang posted on his microblog, countless otaku guys and boys’-love girls found Qin Xueyang’s warm, intoxicating singing drifting through their phones.

That parody song laid bare the private feelings of many shut-ins in the real world:

"...The ones you like think you're too much of a recluse; the boys’-love girls are too scared to like you. When things turn flirtatious, you think you've got a chance, but she only keeps you around as a backup..."

"...Maybe if you keep at it for a few more years, you’ll wait until good people start footing the bill, so you learn to jerk off and live the life of jerking off..."

"...Once jerking off becomes a habit, a habit so deep I no longer even think about what to do, even if a soft little girl throws herself at me, even if society is in chaos..."

"...Why are girls so much more troublesome than jerking off? Why is love harder than sex? I can’t find the answer, I have no answer..."

Meanwhile, Zhang Qiyang’s microblog comments section had exploded over the provocation in his post:

"Master Cannon is amazing! Hahaha, anyone who dares take him on will jerk off for the rest of his life!"

"Master Cannon has great taste! That bra is huge. It’s the first time I’ve ever seen one like that. Just how big must the breasts be to fill it out?"

"Master Cannon, is this jerk-off song sung by your woman? It’s so good!"

"Sharp-eyed folks, help take a look: what size is the bra on Master Cannon’s bed? I’ve never seen anything that big! Isn’t it bigger than an ordinary child’s head?"

"In tribute to Master Cannon, I’ve decided to jerk off to his woman’s bra tonight!"

"Trash. So what if you have money? You think that makes you great? If you’re so capable, go your whole life without jerking off!"

"Haha, that trash Zhang Dapao has lost it and can only look for confidence in women. But can he really find any? From the meaning of this girl’s song, it sounds like she’s mocking Zhang Dapao for jerking off alone, doesn’t it?"

"Smart observation above! This song is obviously that girl mocking Zhang Dapao for jerking off for life, only able to get his release through jerking off! Haha, he’s just an impotent loser, useless in real action!"

"From years of watching matches, I can tell Master Cannon’s bra on the bed is at least a ninety-five F. There are only a handful of female celebrities in the business with breasts that big. Anyone who knows the field, hurry up and dig around. Who did Master Cannon sleep with?"

"Even the hand that touched those breasts is that domineering. Master Cannon really is something else!"

"Have a girl today, get laid today; roll around in the sheets and life is sweet! - Nice and dirty! What a line!"

"Master Cannon, who sang that song? It’s amazing! Was it the big-busted girl you slept with?"

"Trash Zhang Dapao, may your girlfriend stay a virgin for the rest of her life!"

"Zhang Dapao stopped rigging votes and his real talent was exposed. He can’t sing worth a damn, so he can only rely on other tricks to grab attention. What a huge idiot! Get lost from the entertainment industry already! This world really owes your father a condom!"

"Master Cannon is so awesome! Give us a front-facing photo of the girl!"

"Where can I download this song? This girl’s voice has so much magnetism! I’m in love with that voice!"

"Is this song called A Lifetime of Jerking Off? I can’t find it online. Anyone with a big enough cock, tell me where I can download it? I want it as my phone ringtone!"

...

Watching the discussion on the microblog together with Qin Xueyang, Zhang Qiyang said, "See? I told you. Plenty of people are sure to like your voice."

Qin Xueyang gave a self-mocking laugh. "Haha, if they saw what I really look like, they’d all run for the hills."

"Not necessarily."

"What do you mean, not necessarily? Stop trying to sweet-talk me. Anyway, I’m not becoming a singer, and I’m not ever showing my face in public."

"You don’t have to show your face to be a singer. You can just release songs and never reveal your appearance."

Qin Xueyang thought, That works too?

"Your voice would be wasted if you didn’t sing. It would be a total squandering of talent. You know your voice is great, right?"

"I don’t know whether it’s great or not, but when I was studying at Westminster Royal Academy, I was the lead singer in the school choir for three years. Whenever the school had a major event, I was always the female lead vocalist. You definitely never noticed me back then." Qin Xueyang pouted with wounded pride.

"When you put it that way, I think I might have some impression of you."

"Fine, stop pretending. If you don’t remember, you don’t remember."

"You said you were in the school choir, so you should be able to read music, right?" Zhang Qiyang had always thought Qin Xueyang was tone-deaf to notation; this chubby girl had never shown any sign of high musical literacy.

"Of course I can read music. I just haven’t sung from a score in a long time, so maybe I’ve forgotten some of the basics. But back then I really was amazing!" As she recalled the past, a deeply self-satisfied look drifted across Qin Xueyang’s beautiful, round face. "Several art academies in Britain sent me offers back then, but my dad thought art was a dead end and wouldn’t let me study it, so later I took the Cambridge exam."

"Impressive. For someone with your brain to get into Cambridge, that really isn’t easy."

"Please, as if you were that much better than me. Didn’t you also get into Cambridge? I think any student who went through primary school in China and studied olympiad math could go to Britain and get into Cambridge. Our learning ability is many times stronger than theirs."

"That may be true, but let’s not drift too far. Since you know you have a gift for singing, don’t waste it."

Qin Xueyang waved her hands anxiously. "I’m not becoming a singer!"

"Not the kind of singer who has to show her face, then. You could be an internet singer, one who only appears by voice and never by image. Aren’t there plenty of online singers who register on their own and release songs on EastNet? You could take the same path. Then you wouldn’t have to appear in public. You can sing online for now, and when you’ve built up enough experience and skill in the future, and gained a certain amount of popularity, you can see whether you want to transition into a traditional singer."

"Internet singers who release songs on EastNet can’t do covers. They have to sing originals, and they have to be unpublished works." It was obvious Qin Xueyang was starting to feel tempted by Zhang Qiyang’s words.

Being able to release songs on EastNet meant making money. Even if it wasn’t much, it was still enough to cover a few meals, and she could sing for the pleasure of it whenever she had nothing to do. Why wouldn’t she? Besides, she wouldn’t have to show her face.

"Originals are easy. I can use my pen name, Kitchen Knife, to write a few songs for you. And if one of your EastNet songs takes off and a lot of people start buying it, that gives you another source of income, doesn’t it?"

With a clap of his hands, Zhang Qiyang pressed her further. "Then let’s do it now. Go register on EastNet right away and release this one, A Lifetime of Jerking Off. I’ll help you promote it on my microblog. Maybe by tonight you’ll make a few hundred or even a thousand yuan, enough for several good meals!"

"All right, then I’ll listen to you and earn myself some late-night snack money. Heh heh."

Seeing so many people on the microblog asking for the song, and then being encouraged by Zhang Qiyang, Qin Xueyang was truly tempted. She dashed off in high spirits to register on EastNet and become an online singer.

But halfway through the registration, Qin Xueyang hesitated. "It says I have to register with my real name here. If I use my real name and release this song, A Lifetime of Jerking Off, won’t people figure out that the girl on your bed is me? There are already tons of people online digging into my bra size."

"No, they won’t. EastNet is our own site. Even with ten times the courage, they wouldn’t dare leak your information. Not unless someone wants to stop working."

"Are you sure?"

"I’m sure. Just register. No matter what happens, I’ll cover for you."

With Zhang Qiyang’s reassurance, Qin Xueyang no longer had any worries and registered on EastNet without restraint.

When it came to the stage name field, Qin Xueyang and Zhang Qiyang had a fierce disagreement.

"I want a cute stage name. What do you think of Hot Little Foodie Who Loves to Act Cute?"

"What the hell are you talking about!"

"Aren’t online singers usually given these really cute stage names? Or else something super pretentious. I don’t want to be pretentious. I just want a cute stage name. How about this one then: Acting Cute Is No Crime, Foodie Edition?"

"Go die! No!"

"Then maybe... The Cutest Foodie Girl?"

"Get lost, get lost, get lost! Your stage name has to have an international feel! You’re going to be a world-dominating diva in the future! Just call yourself Adele! Your Chinese name can be Adele."

"Adele? What kind of ghost name is that? ...Ah! Don’t register me under that ghost name! Bastard! I don’t want to be called Adele! What kind of ridiculous name is that!"

"Heh heh, it’s already registered. From now on, your stage name is Adele."