Chapter 46: Bah, You Lewd Bird (Bonus Chapter)

After Shen Ping left, Feng Ke’er tried to cover the storage pouch with her spiritual sense. Instantly, her mind was filled with images of a heap of items, each one shrunken like a miniature model.

She focused her mind on a small white porcelain bottle with a red lid and thought, “This one, take it out.”

Immediately, the bottle appeared in her palm.

Grinning from ear to ear, she thought again, “Put it back.”

With a flash, the bottle vanished from her hand. Using her spiritual sense once more, she saw it sitting securely within the pouch.

Let’s try something bigger! Her gaze fell on the two frozen wild pheasants on the ground. She willed, “Put them in!”

Swish—both large pheasants disappeared in the blink of an eye. Inside the pouch, they now looked no bigger than peas.

Feng Ke’er understood what this meant: this tiny pouch held dozens of times more than a stew pot!

Satisfied, she tucked the storage pouch into her belt and went out into the yard. A single glance told her something was terribly wrong: the meat bird was gone! There was no trace of him anywhere.

She was struck with panic—there were sentries everywhere, both obvious and hidden. Where had that rascal run off to? Was he not afraid at all?

Yet she dared not go out and search openly. Her good mood vanished, replaced by frustration. She didn’t even feel like changing into her new uniform. Instead, she plopped onto the wooden bench by the window, face dark and cheeks puffed with anger, muttering, “You reckless fool! Just wait until you get back—see how I deal with you!”

Meanwhile, Feng Jiu, sensing his contracted partner’s fury, hurried back at full speed. Though he was adept at invisibility, there were too many people outside. Feng Ke’er still didn’t dare scold him too harshly in the yard.

When she saw the meat bird drenched from head to toe, looking like an oversized drowned chicken, most of her anger melted away. With a gloating arch of her brow, she asked, “Where did you go? How did you end up like this?”

Feng Jiu shook his head and hummed, “Went to the bathhouse for a soak.”

At his words, all the anger that had subsided came back with a vengeance. “A soak? Did anyone see you?” Inside, she was already roaring: There are guards everywhere—do you have any sense of being a wanted fugitive? Do you think this is your backyard?

“Of course not!” Feng Jiu rolled his eyes at her.

No, something was definitely off. Feng Ke’er pressed, “Nothing happened for real?”

Ashamed and agitated, Feng Jiu blurted out, “I just went to look for someone. Didn’t find them. What could have happened?”

Earlier, after being inexplicably ignored, he was in a foul mood and only meant to wander around and clear his head. On the way, he noticed several groups of female disciples heading somewhere. Curious, he trailed them for a bit and realized today was the women’s bath day—they were going to bathe.

Though people in this world weren’t generally fond of bathing, cultivators couldn’t be compared to ordinary mortals. To maintain a bright and polished image, the sect placed great emphasis on personal hygiene. For outer sect disciples, for example, the rules stated: whether new or at the Qi Refining stage, disciples must visit the public bathhouse for a soak every thirty days. At those times, hot water was provided in abundance. Men and women bathed separately—afternoons for women, evenings for men.

What a heaven-sent opportunity! With a single thought, Feng Jiu slipped in after the female disciples.

After all, they were just female bodies—he’d seen them before. Finding his target was what mattered, he told himself.

He hadn’t anticipated that the bathhouse would be packed with over a hundred boisterous female disciples—tall and short, plump and slender… Amidst the swirling steam, pale limbs flickered in and out of view.

His mind exploded, nosebleed following instantly. Flustered, he tried to cover his nose with his wingtip, closed his eyes, and attempted to back out.

But there were simply too many people coming in. In his panic, he trampled on who knew how many feet.

“Ah! Who stepped on me?”

“Someone’s invisible!”

“Who is it?”

“Ah, there must be a man in the bathhouse!”

The bathhouse was immediately thrown into chaos. Several senior sisters at the late Qi Refining stage guarded the entrance and frantically scattered revealing powder. Most of the female disciples hastily threw on clothes and scrambled out, high-strung and energized, sweeping the bathhouse in a carpet search, vowing to yank the invisible interloper out.

At that time, Feng Ke’er was still on Wild Chicken Slope, a bit too far away for Feng Jiu to safely rely on his Breath Concealing Talisman. Left with no choice, he did the opposite—eyes squeezed shut, he jumped straight into the now empty bath.

Ah, it had been ages since he’d enjoyed a hot bath. The water temperature was rather pleasant…

The female disciples chattered and fussed for about half a stick of incense, found nothing, and, grumbling threats of vengeance for the evening, stripped down again and returned to their bathing, not realizing the true culprit had already slipped away in silence.

Of course, peeking at female disciples bathing was something he could never speak of—especially not to that sharp-tongued girl! Her words were sharper than knives… Feng Jiu firmly reminded himself.

Feng Ke’er, knowing nothing of all this, was perplexed and nosy, asking, “Went to the bathhouse to find someone? Does your friend have some special mark? Didn’t you say she’d been reincarnated? Can a mark survive reincarnation?”

But Feng Jiu was still rattled by the afternoon’s “spectacle.” The women of the lower world were far fiercer than the phoenix maidens. Luckily, he’d managed to stop his nosebleed in time. Phoenix blood was different—if it had been discovered, and Feng Ke’er wasn’t nearby… Just thinking about it made him shudder. Given a thousand or ten thousand more chances, he’d never dare sneak into the women’s bath again.

So, for anything like this in the future, he would have to trick that troublesome girl into doing it.

Having decided, Feng Jiu’s attitude softened considerably. He explained patiently, “My friend, in her past life, chose to cut out her own heart to fulfill a tribulation. Normally, after reincarnation, she shouldn’t bear any marks. However, the sword she used for the act, the Immortal-Slaying Blade, was secretly cursed, turning her ordeal into a fatal tribulation. Generally, when a cultivator’s soul is scattered, it’s like a candle snuffed out—no reincarnation. However, I received word that before her tribulation, my friend made preparations, extracting a soul and a spirit in advance and entrusting them to someone reliable to take out of the divine realm. Not long ago, I learned she’s successfully reincarnated. After reincarnation, a mark remains on her chest from the curse. I’m searching for a woman with such a mark.”

“No wonder you’re so sure I’m not your friend reincarnated. Meat bird, did you watch me bathe?” Feng Ke’er understood and crossed her arms, shooting him a sidelong look.

Damn it, he’d forgotten about that! This girl was too quick-witted. Feng Jiu awkwardly turned his head away, admitting it by default.

Feng Ke’er couldn’t help but burst out laughing, then, showing great magnanimity, comforted him, “It’s all right. So you saw—so what? You’re just a bird, after all—well, a female… um, a phoenix, yes, a phoenix.”

Feng Jiu nearly exploded in outrage—this was even worse than being mocked for sneaking into the women’s bath! In all his hundreds of thousands of years, no one had ever mistaken him for a phoenix maiden! Did this girl walk out without her eyes today?

“What eyes told you I’m a phoenix maiden? I am a proper, dignified male phoenix!” he flapped his wings, roaring.

Now it was Feng Ke’er’s turn to gape in astonishment. She covered her mouth with one hand and pointed at the flustered bird with the other. “You mean you’re a male phoenix, not a female?”

She had never seen a real phoenix before—how was she to tell the difference?

“As real as can be!” Feng Jiu lifted his head and puffed up his chest, every bit the proud male.

“Ice Spike!” Feng Ke’er’s expression changed abruptly, and with a whoosh, three ice spikes shot out, clawing through the air at him. “You lecherous bird! Peeping on women bathing, you pervert!” She hadn’t minded before—whether male or female, he was just a feathered beast. But once she remembered that he could talk and had lived as a man for hundreds of thousands of years, she couldn’t stay calm.

But Qi Refining mid-stage versus Core Formation peak—the three ice spikes were pitifully weak.

“Hey, what do you mean by ‘pervert’?” Feng Jiu, now furious, barely glanced at the attack, neither dodging nor flinching as the spikes struck his body. “My cultivation’s not high enough to take human form—how does that make me a pervert? And why are you so fierce, so unreasonable…”

Seeing her spikes vanish into his body like stones sinking into the sea, Feng Ke’er nearly choked with rage. She grabbed two items from her storage pouch and flung them at his head.

Before Feng Jiu could finish his retort—whoosh, whoosh—two frozen wild pheasants, wrapped in a blast of icy wind, hurtled at him.

“You’re mad! Absolutely unreasonable!” Feng Jiu had no choice but to flee.

Bang! Bang! The two frozen pheasants missed, crashing into the flagstones and leaving twin craters.

He’d thought they were just bickering, but she was actually using deadly force! Feng Jiu couldn’t swallow the humiliation and was about to rush back inside to argue his case.

“Get out!” Feng Ke’er slammed the door. “You’re the ‘woman’—your whole family are ‘women’! I’m not even married yet!” Damn lecherous bird—she was a girl… well, a big girl…

Luckily, Feng Jiu was quick, or else the door would have smashed his beak.

He hadn’t expected this girl to be as ferocious and unreasonable as the women in the bathhouse! Still, he couldn’t understand how “woman” had become a word that could provoke such rage.

“Unbelievable! Completely unreasonable!” Feng Jiu was bristling, ready to argue his case to the end, but when he opened his beak, all that came out was an explanation: “I didn’t mean to peep at women bathing—I was just looking for someone, that’s all!”

He was stunned. Why was he still explaining himself?

He had always despised making excuses. He was the proudest, noblest Feng Jiu in the divine realm—never defending himself, not even before Xiao Xi. Otherwise, how could he have lost to that Tai Yi?

He really had let this girl muddle his head. Shaking his head with a bitter smile, he turned into another empty room to collect himself.

Lecherous bird! How dare you peep at me bathing—may you be struck by lightning, never to know peace! Feng Ke’er calmed herself with a round of the Heart-Cleansing Incantation.

But she never imagined that retribution would come so swiftly.

Half an hour later, Senior Brother Tian from the neighboring courtyard came to knock. Feng Ke’er opened the gate.

His face was flushed as he blurted out, “Senior Brother Qin…” So awkward—her junior brother had become a senior brother, but that was the sect’s rule: seniority determined by cultivation.

Feng Ke’er cut him off: “Senior Brother Tian, what is it?”

He hesitated, face reddening further, nearly dripping with embarrassment. “Senior Brother Qin, please don’t say that—I’m mortified enough already.”

Feng Ke’er blinked, deciding not to fuss over such details for now, and asked again, “What’s the matter?”

Pointing to his yard, Senior Brother Tian said, “A senior brother of ours heard that this afternoon, while the female disciples were bathing, a male disciple used a Form-Stabilizing Talisman to sneak into the bathhouse and spy on them. So the female disciples are planning a fierce retaliation tonight. We were wondering if you’d like to join us at the public bath for safety in numbers?”

They want me to join them for a bath? Feng Ke’er was thunderstruck and stammered, “Is it really necessary?”

So even genius cultivators could be scared. With such nerves, he dared call himself senior brother! Senior Brother Tian gaped, taking a while to recover before answering, “Of course, it’s required.”

Feng Jiu, listening from inside, nearly burst out laughing.

A certain peak bowed to thank the departing pink ticket. How pitiful—this humble story finally received its first pink vote, worthy of a commemorative note… (To be continued)

Celestial Tome, Chapter 46: “Bah! Lecherous Bird”—Extra update finished!